But it can get tricky: how do I know if a friend disagrees with my opinion or if she draws attention to my sin? I`ve learned that one way to help my friends and I realize the difference is that we are open and honest with each other, express our thoughts, and listen to each other carefully – or sometimes agree to disagree. “Sorry, but I don`t agree with you.” They are followed by unpleasant silences and furious tears. Conventional wisdom dictates that politics and religion are the two things we absolutely must avoid in polite conversations. But with divisive headlines governing the day, even the loosest conversation about pop culture can become a campaign mine. And the ears turn to emotional intensity, Heitler adds. The tone of a person`s voice and the absolute like “absolutely hate” or “idiot” or “idiot” can normally indicate that the person you`re talking to probably doesn`t want to hear an alternative perspective. The purpose of productive conversations is to build understanding and learning (for all parties) and not tear each other apart, Trévisan says. This does not mean winners or losers. “The constructive approach is to be curious and try to understand,” he says.
You do this by finding areas of convergence, not disagreement. But there may be times when my friend disagrees with me because I sin against God. So I have to listen to what she says and act accordingly. If you recognize that someone is angry or hurt, you can better understand the sharp or harsh words that may come from them. You can choose between helping them manage their emotions or letting them regain their serenity to talk another time. The first step is to decide if this conversation is worth visiting, Weeks says. If it`s an argument with your spouse about whether any of you will accept a job offer where the family needs to move, you need to have that conversation. But when it comes to asking a friend why she thinks abortion should be banned (and you disagree), it`s worth asking yourself first why you want to have this conversation.
Do you want to know why your girlfriend feels what she`s doing? Want to change your mind? You have an interview with a colleague about why you think a new employee should be exempted to help your team rather than his.. . . .